


Can't Say No

by hungry_hobbits



Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, also finally a fic with le vesconte in it and i had to write it, ep9 spoilers if you havent seen it yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 23:49:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14904503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hungry_hobbits/pseuds/hungry_hobbits
Summary: A quiet talk between friends, and a man's last request to his dearest lover.





	Can't Say No

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally for a prompt from tumblr and would've gone in as one of the Terror Tumblr Prompt fic chapters, but I decided it should be a stand alone fic for it's length and content.

There comes a time in everyone’s lives where someone enters that you cannot imagine living without. Someone who betters you and changes you.

 

James Fitzjames finally slept, if one could call it that. It was more of an exhausted man’s dozing. Hours in the sick sledge bumping across the rocky ground of the arctic had left his bleeding body in a state of agony no dignified man such as himself should ever reach.

This was not the first time that Henry Le Vesconte had seen James in a state of distress and agony, he was there when the events of James’ infamous ‘Chinese Sniper’ story took place, but he had never seen him quite like this; his was skin devoid of color, one eye completely bloody. As the aging steward Mister Bridgens had put it, his body was going through sepsis from his old wounds reopened by scurvy and he did not have much longer to live.

Ignoring his duties both to the camp and as one of the few remaining and active lieutenants for a time, Henry sat with James. It was the only comfort he could offer the man. This was his friend of going on a decade, a man he served in the Orient with, a man whose presence was a welcomed joy in the home of his parents. They had been through so much together in such a little amount of time, and the idea that this could very well be—no, most certainly would be their final chapter, made the world and the iced over hell they were stuck in that much harder to live in.

They had shared more than just a life on ships and battlefields. Henry knew his captain’s body better than anyone else. They shared lazy mornings together after long nights of love making, just basking in the presence of the other. Henry loved this man as he loved no one else. Had times been different, this was the man that Henry would have made into his husband. He had planned after all this to ask James to live with him _permanently_. There was nothing suspect about two bachelors living together, no one would ever question it, and they could pretend to be married in the comfort of a home financed by the Le Vesconte family wealth. But now, those dreams were going dim.

 

“James,” Henry’s voice was soft, quivering almost, “ _I’m sorry_. I’m sorry I could not do more for you.” He took the dry, cracked hand of his dearest friend and lover into his own and brought it to his lips. He kissed it, holding his lips there as tears began to well in his tired eyes. “I want to beg you to stay, my love… but to force you to live out another day, another minute, in this agony would be a curse I could put upon no man.”

James’ eyes fluttered open. They were tired, dull, the spark of life that drove James Fitzjames to do so many reckless and brave things was no longer there. It was as if one were watching a candle slowly burn out and away. He wasn’t all gone, whether that be a blessing or a curse, his mind was fading but he was still lucid to an extent. Henry could feel the weak hand he held making an attempt to grip him but his strength just couldn’t be put to the task.

“I did not think it would end this way between us,” James rasped. His voice was soft, it was no longer the attention grabbing voice it had been, “I’m sorry to have brought you out here.”

“ _Mon amour_ , I’ve told you before. I’d follow you to the ends of the Earth.”

“And a lot of good it has done you.” The captain coughed painfully and groaned through the following spasm, “Please just let me be sorry. My apologies are all I have to offer in this time.”

“Fine. You know I’ve never been able to say “no” to you.”

“Henry, darling, your _honest_ opinion: how do I look?”

“Like shit, James.”

A laugh escaped James’ throat, one that Henry had not heard in a while. James’ mouth was bloody and cracked, but to hear joy coming from it for even a moment was a relief. “I knew I could count on you. Mister Bridgens was in here earlier. The man is an angel, you know how he is,” James, even on his deathbed, would never miss an opportunity to spin a bit of a yarn, “couldn’t find a single thing bad to say about me and nearly wept when I pleaded for his honesty.”

“Did you ask Francis as well?”

“Of course.”

“ _Of course_. And his response?” Their banter was making a smirk form across Henry’s wind burned face.

“He did make an attempt to be nice. Turns out all it took was being stranded and me close to death for Francis and I to properly bond.” James stopped smiling, “ _Rubbish timing_ … wouldn’t you say?”

“Better now than never.” Henry’s voice regained that fearful quiver. The tears that never left his eyes were now threatening to fall. “Hard to love but you never gave up on him.”

 

They sat in silence for a time. James’ rasped breathing and the winds outside the only noise between them. They did not often share silences for very long, it felt awkward and strange to be this quiet.

“Henry, I must ask something of you. And it will be painful, but I think it will be best for the both of us.”

“I shall do anything you ask of me as your subordinate, lover, and friend, James.”

“When it comes time for me to pass, should it be naturally or should I,” James swallowed a great lump in his throat, “should I require _help_ , I do not want you to be present for my death.”

“James! You can’t be serious!”

“I can and I am. The last image you have of me in your mind will not be of me gone to the point of no return. I shall not plague you with this. I want you to remember me properly, as I was. For the rest of your days. Even now is too much for me to bear. To have you see me in such a state,” Tears began to form in the corners of James’ tired eyes, “I hate this. I hate dying. So slowly so painfully. I feel as though I am a burden holding everyone back.” The tears fell down his sunken cheeks.

“There is a chance you could come back from this. Should the parties find fresh food—”

“Henry do not be foolish, there is no coming from this. Not out here, not like this. I’m spending what little energy I have remaining talking to you because I love you, not because I have hope that I will not die out here. I’ve been ill for a long time, it’s come to a head, and unfortunately I must accept this…” The captain took a bit of his strength to put a squeeze on Henry’s hand, “Promise me, Henry. Promise me you will not be in here when I die.”

“ _Mon Dieu_ , James, I love you but,” Henry hung his head.

“I’ll never forgive you, Henry Le Vesconte, if I see you in here when I come to pass.”

“Wasting your energy on melodramas!”

“You’re making me waste it.”

Henry gave the hand he held a frustrated squeeze, nothing harmful or painful of course. “I cannot say “no” to you. I never have been able to.” He nodded before raising his head to look James in the eye. “I love you. Should this be our last goodbye, I want you to know that from the bottom of my heart, James Fitzjames.”

“I never doubted you for a moment.” James’ voice had grown soft and tired, eyelids drooping a bit from his lack of rest. “Come closer, please?”

Henry obliged, leaning in closely to his lover’s lips. James urged him closer still with a tug of the hand, until the lieutenant’s ear was nearly touching James’ lips.

“I love you, Henry Le Vesconte.” His voice was much too quiet, but the words reverberated in Henry’s ear and soul, “You are the most important man in the world to me. Thank you… for everything.” His last words were nearly inaudible, and with them James pressed a gentle kiss to his lover’s ear. “ _I love you_.”

 

That night Captain Francis Crozier and Mister Bridgens went into James’ tent. His agonized moans and cries had finally stopped. Lieutenant Henry Le Vesconte wept in his tent. He knew what had come to pass.

 

 

He knew he was alone.


End file.
